Fo a long time I was completely ashamed that I was using the vimax pills. I didn’t know how to feel about being forced to use a supplement to enhance my sexuality. It’s what I had to do in order to feel confident again – is it worth it? Now that I think back on it I’d like to say it is worth it. It’s been more work finding that confidence than it has been just to take a pill for that confidence. I still have to ask myself again and again whether or not if it’s actually healthy for me to depend on a pill.
I’ve been thinking about how fragile my ego and my identity really is. I wonder if most men are like me; that we tie so much of ego to sex. How many of us feel the need to be validated by our ‘conquests’? I used to be. When I was much younger I was convinced that the more women I had sex with the more it would confirm whether or not I was attractive. Does it matter if I’m attractive to the opposite sex? It’s clear why I wasn’t able to hold a relationship when I was younger.
Hopefully things won’t always be like that. Now that I’m older it’s not nearly as bad. I’ve been able to focus more on myself and have less sex with many partners but at the same time, I’m fearful that I wouldn’t be able to make my partner happy because of some inability to please please them intimately. I need to work on my self-confidence more. My self-esteem has been completely trashed because of how I acted when I was younger. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort on my part but I believe I’ll be able to overcome my personal failings.